[video width="1080" height="720" mp4="http://shivanigakhar.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Tiv_hair2.mp4"][/video]
Today is exactly a year since I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Cancer.
It’s an ugly word, an ugly disease that grips your mind more than your body.
When I first found out, I was weirdly very calm. For me, it was just a problem that would take a few months to solve. That’s it. No other thoughts were allowed to enter my mind. My only worry was how would my family feel, will they be ok?
When I was undergoing my treatment, I came across phrases and words like “fighting cancer”, “kicking cancer’s ass”, “brave”.. and so on when I read about people who underwent this disease. I couldn’t understand why. The real fight was being fought by doctors who were treating me and my family who were taking care of me. All I had to do was eat, sleep and relax.
It was only towards the end of my treatment, when I knew I would be on my own now, with no doctors to monitor my health weekly, no frequent tests or scans, no more cancer killing chemo given to me, that I got to know that it can be tough. It is then that I realised that it’s a lifelong commitment, to keep myself healthy. And it is that when it dawned upon me that it is a fight of the mind, more than the body.
I made a decision. A very simple one. To just LIVE. To live life, experience things, do what I like, whatever makes me happy and to make my mind and body stronger than it has ever been.
I was told by one of the doctors to “live three months at a time”. I’m sorry, can’t do that, I’ve got a LIFE to LIVE. I don’t fear death anymore, and that is why I don’t fear life either.
No, I haven’t gone through a complete change of personality. I am the same person with the same anger issues, same fear of talking to people, same likes and dislikes. I’m just living a little more than before now.
Some people said that I’ve been inspiring, but I don’t understand that. I just fought my own battle, and more than me, it is my family who did.
Yes, there are times when I have to internally shout and drown out that tiny, nagging sound of fear, but since I’ve decided to live my life, that’s what I am doing now.
This weekend, I’m running the Pinkathon.
Update: I did :)
